Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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