She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
