Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
