I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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