so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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