and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
