omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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