Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
