I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
