I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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