um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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