I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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