My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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