Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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