this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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