ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
