This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
