So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ok first of all what the fuck
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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