You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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