and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
