is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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