using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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