There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
