dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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