I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
