He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
