they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
