1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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