I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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