wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
