Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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