If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
