can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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