Your face is a jimmy john
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
