Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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