on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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