dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
