When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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