ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
