Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
