I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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