Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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