if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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