So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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