I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
