We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
