last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your cock deserves a montage
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
