Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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