walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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