one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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