Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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