I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
