ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
