highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
