i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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