oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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