Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
