Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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