You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
