shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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