She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
