just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
