I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
