Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
