you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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