You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
